A Few Important Reminders

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by gettingsomeone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat bysimply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleedfor a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Rememberto use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent youfrom rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snoozebutton.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then youwill be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

8. Sometimes we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.