Aly's World: 2006-09-03

Story Of The Week From The Paper...

COMPANY OFFERS ALL THE ADVANTAGES OF MARRIAGE -- WITHOUT ANY DRAWBACKS!By Mark Miller SEATTLE, Wash. -- With the divorce rate in America at a record high, one company is attempting to eliminate the No. 1 cause. "The problem is marriage itself," said Leo Brereton, president of Lease on Life. "That's why we're offering spouses on a purely rental basis. You get the security, prestige and intimacy of a marriage. "On the other hand, if you tire of your spouse, or simply want to trade him or her for a snazzier new model, you may do so at any time." Rhonda Erlanger,Director of People for the Preservation of American Family Values, thinks the concept is indecent. "It mocks the sacrament of marriage," she claimed. "It spits in the face of commitment. Why don't they call it what it is -- prostitution, plain and simple." "Because prostitution is illegal," Brereton said flatly. Whatever it's called, there is an eight-month waiting list to rent a male spouse and a 17- month waiting list for a female spouse. Brereton hopes to roll out his company's newest offshoots, Renta- Child and Rent-a- Parent, later this year.

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For Kristy.. A Discovery Health Show In The Making

CAREFREE Nat Sasuphan hums along joyously during a sing-song with a young Thai classmate — and shrugs off the rare condition that has left her face and head covered in hair.
Nat, six, of Bangkok, is one of 40 people worldwide with congenital hypertrichosis. But to her pal she’s a little star.

Marriage

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful.Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side.A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!"The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now "cute."She said, "What happened to 'beautiful'?"The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off."

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The Balloonist

A balloonist on a transcontinental balloon voyage suddenly finds his craft engulfed in fog, his compass gone awry. Afraid of landing in the ocean, he drifts for days. Suddenly the clouds part to reveal a large building -- and one of the windows is open! The flyer quickly shouts out: "Where am I?"Startled, one of the workers inside yells back: "About half a mile in from the northeast edge of town."The balloonist just shakes his head: "You must be in systems support.""How did you know?""The information you just gave me was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant."The worker smiles: "You must work in business management.""I do," replies the balloonist, "but how do you know?""Well," replies the worker, "you don't know where you are or where you are going, but you expect me to be able to help. You are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now it is my fault."

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The First In The Children's Books You'll Never See Series

Thanks Rob!

The Panda Joke

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!"The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterised by distinct black and white colouring. Eats shoots and leaves."

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How It All Began

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name ofAbraham Com, did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long ofleg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel farfrom town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without everleaving thy tent?"And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddlebags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?"And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drumsin between to send messages saying what you have for sale and theywill reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can bemade on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her waywith the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success.Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without evermoving from his tent. But this success did arouse envy.A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drumand was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to DotCom's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. Theywere called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDSfor short.And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches andthe deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the realriches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates,who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insiston making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheadsand drumsticks.Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being takenover by others."And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it cameto be known "eBay" he said, "we need a name that reflects what weare," and Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.""YAHOO", said Abraham. And that is how it all began.It wasn't Al Gore after all.

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For All The Beer Lovers

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WTF Story of The Day...

What's with the dead body wrapped in plastic and duct tape? Oh that's just my girlfriend, she died after choking on a piece of meat 10 days ago. Help me load the U-haul? , I'm moving to Oregon on Saturday

Check Out The Full Story

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Harry Potter May Be Evil But The Pope Has A Chief Exorcist?

Pope's chief exorcist calls Harry Potter "king of darkness" and "the devil". Stupidity of comment is overshadowed by revelation: the pope has a Chief Exorcist?

Check Out The Full Story Here

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G' Bye Mate

CROCODILE Hunter Steve Irwin has died after a string-ray barb caught him in the chest.
The 44-year-old international TV star was swimming off the Low Isles at Port Douglas filming an underwater documentary when the incident happened.
Ambulance officers confirmed they attended a reef fatality this morning at Batt Reef off Port Douglas. It is understood Irwin was killed around midday.
Irwin leaves his wife Terri and young children Bob and and Bindi.
The blonde star of Crocodile Hunter, who made khaki shorts and boots his uniform all year round, was an Australian icon. But his reptile wrestling antics thrilled overseas audiences even more and he became a fixture on US television in the past decade.
The son of naturalists Bob and Lyn Irwin, Steve learned to live with dangerous reptiles from a young age at the family’s Queensland Reptile and Fauna Park. He opened his own Australia Zoo in Queensland in 1991, leading him to record the hugely popular Crocodile Hunter the following year. His catchcry of “Crikey!” brought the unfashionable Aussie phrase back into vogue. Irwin’s work had a serious side. He was recently made the face of Australia’s quarantine laws and appeared in TV advertisements urging travellers not to endanger Australia’s unique flora and fauna by bringing in foreign specimens. For all his love of animals, Irwin’s first duty was to his US-born wife, Terri Reines, who appeared by his side from the very first episode of the Crocodile Hunter. In 1998, their daughter Bindi Sue was born and drafted straight into the family business. A son, Robert Clarence, was born in 2003 and Irwin made world headlines - and suffered a dent on his popularity - when he took the baby boy into a crocodile enclosure, leading critics to accuse him of neglect.

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