For The Single Shut-In That Has Everything

The Crazy Cat Lady comes with six cats of indeterminate breeding, two more kittens peer out from under her battered robe pocket and under her mane of unkempt hair.$29.95.

via

News For Today 11/21

Officer who claimed he was conducting his own prostitution sting and supplementary strip search and body cavity check, surprised to find that he's the one being the one arrested. Read All About It By Clicking Here.

Pregnant mother gets surprise -- an AK-47 melee at her baby shower. Shooter said he ain't the daddy. Read all about it here.

If you molest a 15-year-old girl and get her pregnant, don't take her to the abortion clinic with the protestors who have been there for two years photgraphing everyone who walks in. Click Here To Read All About It.

Happy Thanksgiving!

via

Breaking News

BREAKING NEWS: Terror Alert in ST. LOUIS.
St. Louis (MO)--Rams football practice was delayed nearly Two hours Friday after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head coach Scott Linehan immediately suspended practice and called the police and federal investigators.
After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the White substance unknown to players was the GOAL LINE.
Practice resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again this season.

Thanks Angie!

Get Your Kids Started Early This Christmas

I’ve seen jokes about this under the heading “Bad Idea Toys”, but this is real! The GR8 TaT2 Maker, a “tatoo” making toy for kids.
Open up your very own pretend play tattoo parlor. This easy-to-use tattoo maker kit includes an electronic tattoo pen and funky stencils. Using soft, safe pulsating action, the tattoo pen creates realistic, washable designs with dramatic effects. Requires two AA batteries (not included).
Get Your Very Own, Here... Link

via

Men Are Like...

Men! For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free.
Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.


1. Men are like ...Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you older they get, the less firm they get less firm they
2. Men are like.Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ...... Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like .......Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like .Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.8
. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like .Popcorn . They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like . Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots .......... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped., .

Everyone can use some fun

via

YMCA

via

Aviator

via

Garage Sale

via

This is REALLY interesting.
How to multiply big numbers by drawing lines… and without using a calculator.
Check it out.

via

The Best Scam Ever!

It is amazing what kind kind of brilliant scams people thing of.
Australian Police have been unable to recommend a prosecution for the following scam. A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check. After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers money in the form of a company check. However, due to the name of the company, few people ever bother to present these to their banks.
The name of the company is ‘The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company’.

via

Leroy

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids...
"WOW," the social worker exclaims, “are they ALL YOURS”???"
"Yep they are all mine," the flustered momma, sighs having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy." All the children rush to find seats.
"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names."
"This one's my oldest - he is Leroy." "OK, and who's next?" "Well, this one he is Leroy, also."
The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!
"All right," says the caseworker. "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?"
Their Momma replied, "Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!'An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!'an' they all comes arunnin.'An 'if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"
"I call them by their last names."

via

Charlie's Favorite Joke

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."
And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.
He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."
The Scotsman replies, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah could nay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah could nay fin' him either."
The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy ...
Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells . . . . . .
"SUPPLIES!"

Get A Leg Up On Christmas Shopping

Find out what will be on sale the day after Thanksgiving, aka Black Friday, by seeing the ads before they appear in the newspaper. Click Here To See Them.

via

How to clean the toilet fast and efficiently

Cleaning the Toilet
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely, The Dog....

via