October Suicide

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Crazy Finger Nails

The Muffler

A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told her that all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out. After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing."I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working.""Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"

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Crude Jokes Of The Day

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q.What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A .They don't have balls to scratch!

So Cultured

A Greek and an Italian were drinking coffee one day discussing who had the superior culture.Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon".Arching his eyebrows the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics." The Italian, nodding in agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."

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Guts vs. Balls

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really knowthe difference between them?In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: "You're next." I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.


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The Psychic

A Woman Visited A Psychic In A Dark And Gloomy Room, And Was Gazing At The Tarot Cards Laid Out Before Her.The Psychic Delivered The Bad News."there Is No Easy Way To Say This, So I'll Be Blunt.Prepare Yourself To Be A Widow. Your Husband Will Die A Violent And Horrible Death This Year."Visibly Shaken, The Woman Stared At The Psychic's Lined Face, Then At The Single Flickering Candle, Then Down At Her Hands.She Took A Few Deep Breaths To Compose Herself, And Decided To Ask The Question She Simply Had To Know.She Met The Psychic's Gaze, Steadied Her Voice, And Asked...


"will I Get Away With It?"

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How Cute!

This Is Creepy!!!

Think of a letter between A and W.

Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.

Keep going . . .

Don't stop .. ..

Think of an animal that begins with that letter. Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.


Think of either a man's/woman's name that begins with the last letter in the animal's name

Almost there........

Now count out the letters in that name on the fingers of the hand you are not using to scroll down.

Take the hand you FIRST counted with and hold it out in front of you at face level.

Look at your palm very closely and notice the lines in your hand.


Do the lines take the form of the first letter in the persons name?.


Of course not.......


Now TAKE THAT HAND AND smack yourself in the head, get a life.

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Cool

How Do You Know When You've Fed You Kid Enough Ice Cream?

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Read Between The Lines

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New Words

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray painted very, very high.
7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like,a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.And the pick of the literature:
18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

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