Terrorist Caught

Thanks DK!

The Barbie Sacrafice... Wonder What The Gnomes Are Up To These Days?

Guys Are Retarded

The Last Price Is Right

Paris Designer Glasses

For Those Who Thought They Knew Everything.... A Refresher Course

1. The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma.
2. No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times. Oh go ahead...I'll wait...~
3. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes or shark attacks. ****************** 4. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
5. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
6. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
7. The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE
8. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
9. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. (Since Venus is normally associated with women,what does this tell you!)
10. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
11. Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!
12. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first "Marlboro Man."
13. Walt Disney was afraid OF MICE!
14. PEARLS MELT IN VINEGAR!
15. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
16. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but, not downstairs.
17. A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why. *******
18. Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)
19. Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal." (who thinks up this stuff???)
The second? William Jefferson Clinton (Please don't tell me you're SURPRISED!!!)
20. And the best for last..... Turtles can breathe through their butts. (I know some people like that, don't YOU?)

Thanks Angie!

Swearing At Work

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
>throughout the company have been using foul language during the course
>
>of normal conversation with their co-workers.
>
>Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily
>offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
>
>We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to
>accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
>Therefore, a list of
>18 New and Innovative phrases have been provided so that proper
>exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
>
>1) TRY SAYING:
>I think you could use more training.
>INSTEAD OF:
>You don't know what the f___ you're doing.
>
>
>2) TRY SAYING:
>She's an aggressive go-getter.
>INSTEAD OF:
>She's a ball-busting b__ch.
>
>
>3) TRY SAYING:
>Perhaps I can work late.
>INSTEAD OF:
>And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
>
>
>4) TRY SAYING:
>I'm certain that isn't feasible.
>INSTEAD OF:
>No f___ing way.
>
>
>5) TRY SAYING:
>Really?
>INSTEAD OF:
>You've got to be sh__ing me!
>
>
>6) TRY SAYING:
>Perhaps you should check with...
>INSTEAD OF:
>Tell someone who gives a sh__.
>
>
>7) TRY SAYING:
>I wasn't involved in the project.
>INSTEAD OF:
>It's not my f____ing problem.
>
>
>8) TRY SAYING:
>That's interesting.
>INSTEAD OF:
>What the f___?
>
>
>
>9) TRY SAYING:
>I'm not sure this can be implemented.
>INSTEAD OF:
>This sh__ won't work.
>
>
>10) TRY SAYING:
>I'll try to schedule that.
>INSTEAD OF:
>Why the f___ing h _ll didn't you tell me sooner?
>
>
>11) TRY SAYING:
>He's not familiar with the issues.
>INSTEAD OF:
>He's got his head up his a__.
>
>
>12) TRY SAYING:
>Excuse me, sir?
>INSTEAD OF:
>Eat sh__ and die.
>
>
>13) TRY SAYING:
>So you weren't happy with it?
>INSTEAD OF:
>Kiss my a__.
>
>
>14) TRY SAYING:
>I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
>INSTEAD OF:
>F___ it, I'm on salary.
>
>
>15) TRY SAYING:
>I don't think you understand.
>INSTEAD OF:
>Shove it up your a__.
>
>
>16) TRY SAYING:
>I love a challenge.
>INSTEAD OF:
>This job sucks.
>
>
>17) TRY SAYING:
>You want me to take care of that?
>INSTEAD OF:
>Who the f___ died and made you boss?
>
>
>18 ) TRY SAYING:
>He's somewhat insensitive.
>INSTEAD OF:
>He's a pr_ck.

Thanks Rob!

Quick Quiz

How about taking a quick quiz? Pay attention!

1. What is 5 divided by 1/2 plus 3?

2. I have two coins making 55 cents but one is not a nickel.
How can that be?

3. Why are 1977 dollars worth more than 1976 dollars?

4. What word in the English language does nearly everyone
pronounce incorrectly?

5. In the United States is it legal for a man to marry his
widow's sister?

6. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by
three feet by four feet?

7. Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days; how
many have 28?

8. Which is correct - eight and eight IS fifteen or eight and
eight ARE fifteen?

9. A 10 foot rope ladder hangs over the side of a boat with
the bottom rung at the surface of the water. There is one
foot between rungs and the tide goes up at the rate of
6 inches per hour. How long until three rungs are covered?

10. Mr. and Mrs. Smith have six daughters and each daughter
has one brother. How many people in the family?








Answers:

1. 13. 5 divided by .5 = 10 + 3 = 13

2. Only one is not a nickel, because it is a 50 cent piece.
The other is a nickel.

3. Because $1977.00 is more than $1976.00.

4. The word 'incorrectly'.

5. No. If he has a widow, then the man is dead and cannot
marry anyone.

6. There is no dirt in a hole.

7. All the months.

8. Neither. Eight and eight equals SIXTEEN.

9. The rungs will never be covered because the boat rises
with the tide.

10. 9 family members total. 6 daughters, 1 brother and
Mr. Smith and Mrs. Smith.

Thanks Randy H.!

Track Your Mate - NSFW

This is kinda scary, but can be useful if you want to check on somebody.

http://www.track-your-partner.com

Thanks Rob!

Idiot Sightings

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears
> repairman told us that one of our problems was that
> we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener.
> I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest
> one Sears made at that time a 1/2 horsepower.
> He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4
> horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
> He said, "NO, it's not." Four is larger than two."
> We haven't used Sears repair since.
>
>
> IDIOT SIGHTING:
>
> I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new
> neighbor call the local township administrative
> office to request the removal of the DEER
> CROSSING sign on our road. The reason:
> "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
> I don't think this is a good place for them to be
> crossing anymore." (From Kingman, KS.)
>
>
> IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
>
> My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a
> taco. She asked the person behind the counter for
> "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only
> had iceburg lettuce. He was a Chef?
> Yep... (From Kansas City!)
>
>
>
>
> IDIOT SIGHTING:
>
> I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when
> an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put
> anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
> To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge,
> how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded,
> "That's why we ask." (Happened in Birmingham, Ala.)
>
>
>
>
> IDIOT SIGHTING:
>
> The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to
> cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually
> challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew
> what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals
> blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she
> responded, "What on earth are blind people doing
> driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS.
> IDIOT SIGHTING:
>
> At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker;
> she was leaving the company due to "downsizing."
> Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun.
> We should do this more often." Not another word
> was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that
> deer-in-the-headlights stare.
> This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.
>
>
> IDIOT SIGHTING:
>
> I work with an individual who plugged her power
> strip back into itself and for the sake of her life,
> couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
> A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.
>
>
>
>
> IDIOT SIGHTING:
>
> When my husband and I arrived at an automobile
> dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys
> had been locked in it. We went to the service department
> and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the
> driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side,
> I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that
> it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician,
> "its open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side."
> This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi!
>
>
>
>
> STAY ALERT! They walk among us... and they REPRODUCE!!!

Thanks Randy H.!