Wow... If You Don't Know If You Are A Prostitute...

Hollywood Welcomes The Beckhams

Blonde In A Casino

An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude". With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,"Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed ..."YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"The others answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching.

MORAL OF THE STORY -Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb,

BUT ALL MEN ARE MEN.

Dog Story

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me." The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese.""Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?""Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever."My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Chihuahua.He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says . (ok this is good)

Liver alone. Cheese mine."

The World's Tightest Jeans

Look To The Right!
Thanks Angie!!!

Artwork Of Julian Beaver - 2

Thanks Rob & Angie!

Artwork Of Julian Beaver - 1

This is amazing, all done in chalk on sidewalks
Thanks Rob & Angie!

Snowman For Sale

Bitter Break-Up Part 2

Bitter Break-Up Part 1

What Not To Give Her For Valentines Day

1. A box of chocolates, clumsily rearranged in an attempt to hide the fact you ate all the caramel ones.
2. Lingerie that you think will look almost as good on her as on the Victoria's Secret model.
3. Any clothing item with the words "push-up" or "slim-down" on the label.
4. Any food item with the words "diet", "light", or "high fiber" on the label.
5. Any video starring Sylvester Stallone, Jim Carrey, or Jenna Jameson.
6. Flowers from a hospital's gift shop--or worse, a mortuary's.
7. Poetry, no matter how heartfelt, that starts out "There was once a girl from Nantucket..."
8. Anything you ever gave another woman, including your mother.
9. Any household appliance, power tool or other item from the harder side of Sears.
10. A gift certificate.
11. Cash.
12. Anything you could have bought at the gas station mini-mart on the way over, even if you didn't.
13. An apologetic look and the words "That was today?"

A Few Good Arguments

There are three good arguments that Jesus was black:

1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He could not get a fair trial.


But then there are three equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God.


But then there are three equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with His hands.
2. He had wine with His meals.
3. He used olive oil.


But then there are three equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut His hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.


But then there are three equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:

1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.


But then there are three equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.


But the most compelling evidence of all are three pieces of evidence that Jesus was a woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was work to do.

39 Rules To Live By

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger after they have passed.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
26. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
29. You should not confuse your career with your life.
30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.>
31. Never lick a steak knife.
32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
37. Your friends love you anyway.
38. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
39: How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?