For The Gal That Has Everything

Yes! You can order it here...

Crisco

A little old guy is walking around in a supermarket calling out,
Crisco, Crisssssssco!"

Soon an assistant manager approaches and says, "Sir, the Crisco is
in aisle 3."

The old guy replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff.
I'm calling my wife. She's in here somewhere"

The clerk is astonished.

"Your wife's name is Crisco?"

The old guy answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call her that when
we're out in public."

"I see," said the clerk.

"What do you call her at home?"

"Lard ass."

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Kung Fu Fighting

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Happy Halloweed

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Thought For Today

I always look for a man who has a tattoo. I see a man with a tattoo, and I’m thinking, okay, here’s a guy who’s capable of making a decision he’ll regret in the future.

Standing In Line

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around."What the hell do you think you're doing?""I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"

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Cheater

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A Good Reason To Be On Time...

Father Sullivan was being honored at his retirement dinner after 30 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. However, the politician was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own words while they waited.
"I got my first impression of the parish from the very first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able tolie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his girlfriend. I was appalled. However, as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people"....
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day Father Sullivan arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the very first one to go to him in confession...."
Moral: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER BE LATE!!!!!!

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In Case You Didn't Hear

The Cards Are The World Champs!!!
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Happy Hunting

A Priest & A Rabbi

A priest and the rabbi are sitting next to each other on a plane. After a while the priest turns to the rabbi and asks, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork ?" The rabbi responds, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs." The priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork ?" To which the rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich. The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate ?" The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith." The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh ?" The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith." The rabbi nodded understandingly.He was silent for about five minutes, and then he said,




"Beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it ?"

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