Cool Illusion

Step 1: Stare at the above image and focus on the four dots in the center.
Step 2: Continue to stare for 45 seconds.
Step 3: Slowly find a wall in the room and look close up at it. You should see something on the wall. Try blinking a few times.
Do you see something on the wall? If this doesn't work for you at first keep trying.

Phone Number Magic

1. Grab a calculator (You won't be able to do this one in your head)
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2

Potential

More Customized Photo Fun

Check out http://www.imagechef.com/ic/product.jsp. Lots of customized goodness fun!!! Who can you abuse with license plates, fortune cookies, flower cards, candy hearts and lockets??? 17 different ones to choose from!

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Firefighter In Training

A Fireman is polishing his fire engine outside the fire station when he notices a little girl from next door in a little red cart with little ladders hung on the side and garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.The little girl is wearing a fireman's helmet and has the cart tied to a Dog and a cat.The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look, 'that's a lovely Fire engine,' he says admiringly.'Thanks,' says the little girl.The fireman looks closer and notices the little girl has tied one of the cart's strings to the dog's collar and one to the cat's testicles.'Little colleague,' says the fire fighter, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your fire engine but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could probably go a lot faster.'The little girl pauses for a moment, looks at the wagon, at the dog and at the cat, then shyly looks into the fireman's eyes and says ..."You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a f**king siren,would I?"

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Nutrition Explained

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health:
1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

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How Moses Created The Commandments

God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.”The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"And the Lord said, "They are rules for living."Can you give us an example?""Thou shall not kill.""Not kill? We're not interested."

God went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honor thyFather and Mother.""Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested."

Then He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said,"Thou shall not steal" "Not steal? We're not interested."

Then He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thoushall not commit adultery.""Not commit adultery? We're not interested."

Finally, He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments.""Commandments?" They said, "How much are they?""They're free.""We'll take 10."There, that ought to offend just about everybody.

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Joke Of The Day

A woman, in her fifties, is at home happily jumping unclothed,on her bed.Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have anyIdea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don'tcare, what you think. I just came from having a mammogram, and thedoctor says thatNot only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18 year-old.The husband replies, "What did he say about your 55-year oldass?""Your name never came up," she replied.

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Concert Ticket Fun

Check out http://www.says-it.com/concertticket/index.php you can make your own concert tickets.

Hmmmm....

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A Good Lesson To Be Learned

In case you don't follow the news, I feel it is my civic duty to post one of the dumbest news items I've seen recently. There are a couple of lessons for all travelers to pay attention to:

1. If you are flying anywhere (especially out of the country) and are foreign, do not bring a penis pump in your carry on baggage.

2. If you do bring a penis pump, don't bring your mom.

3. If you get caught with a penis pump by security, don't tell them that it is a bomb to avoid embarrassment.

Here's the story from the Chicago Sun Times:


Is that a grenade in your pocket?
August 23, 2006
BY STEFANO ESPOSITO Staff Reporter
Mardin Azad Amin found himself in a tight squeeze last week when security at O'Hare Airport discovered a suspicious-looking object in his luggage.
So, Amin, 29, handled the delicate situation this way: He told security the object was a bomb, Cook County prosecutors say.
The security guard then asked Amin to repeat what he'd said to a supervisor. This time, Amin was chuckling as he spoke, prosecutors say.
In fact, Amin was trying to disguise the fact that the black object -- resembling a grenade -- was a component for a penis pump.
All the same, Amin was charged with felony disorderly conduct and faces up to three years in prison if convicted, said Andrew Conklin, a spokesman with the Cook County state's attorney's office. Amin is due in court today for a preliminary hearing, Conklin said.
Amin eventually told investigators he'd lied about the object's true use because his mother was standing nearby when the object was discovered and he didn't want her to know about it, Cook County Assistant State's Attorney Lorraine Scaduto said during a bond hearing last week.
The incident occurred Aug. 16 as Amin was set to catch a flight to Turkey, Scaduto said.
Amin has no known criminal history, Scaduto said.

How Cool Is This???

Avast, me hearties! Have ya $18,499.99? If so, Costco’s got one heckuva pirate tree house for you! Link

Navy Seals

>Navy SEALS are always taught:
>
>1) Keep your priorities in order.
>2) Know when to act without hesitation.
>
>A Navy SEAL was attending some college courses between assignments. He
>had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan.
>
>One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a
>member of the ACLU. One day he shocked the class when he came in,
>looked to the ceiling, and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I
>want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15
>minutes."
>The lecture room fell silent.
>
>You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor
>proclaimed, "Here I am G od. I'm still waiting."
>
>It got down to the last couple of minutes when the SEAL got out of his
>chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off
>the platform.
>
>The professor was out cold. The SEAL went back to his seat and sat
>there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat
>there looking on in silence.
>
>The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the SEAL
>and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
>
>The SEAL calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting America's
>soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like
>an asshole. So He sent me."

Swedish Pranks

Check out the picture (nothing unusual)...Then scroll down and read the text.




Now read this:
In Sweden it is a bit of a custom for the groom to be kidnapped and whisked off somewhere for his stag night, which usually lasts all day and all night rather than the typical British stag night where you all arrange it beforehand go out get drunk and hire a stripper.
The Swedes do it different.. The groom has no idea until he gets nabbed.. He might be dressed up in something crazy... and go do something funny...and then the fun starts!
This particular guy is a keen sailor and when he was kidnapped for his stag night they pasted a false "skippers-beard" on him and put him at the helm of a 60 foot yacht and let him be skipper for the day...
Much beer and fine food was consumed. But nothing... nasty happened to him at all... In the evening when they got back on land and were getting cleaned up for the night club... they all had a sauna as is customary in Sweden....
Imagine the grooms horror when he walked into the sauna where his naked buddies were waiting for him and then to notice that best mate number one had no pubic hair ...
neither did friend two ... nor three ... or four...
Now check out the false beard again...........

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A Visit To The Ladies Room

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women,so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check forfeet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opensand you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get into find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so longyou are about to wet your pants!The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, nodoubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, ifthere were one, but there isn't - so you carefully but quickly drape it aroundyour neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!),yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'dlove to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or laytoilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discoverto be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear yourmother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you wouldhave KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the >onethat's still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it in thepuffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail.Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work. The doorhits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest,and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet."Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny,crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, andslide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course.You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom hasmade contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seatbecause YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if youhad taken time to try.You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because,you're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because,frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confusedthat it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a firehose against theinside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt andruns down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everythingdown with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser forfear of being dragged in too. At that point, you give up.You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You'reexhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and >then slinkout inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate thefaucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a drypaper towel and walk past the line of women, still waiting. You are no longerable to smile politely to them.A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet papertrailing from your shoe. ( Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank thepaper from your shoe, plunk it the woman's hand and tell her warmly, >"Here,you just might need this."As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and leftthe men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why isyour purse hanging around your neck?". . .This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restroom(rest??? you've got to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men whatreally does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questionabout why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can holdthe door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!!

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Ghost Riding...AKA Natural Selection

Apparently I am the last person in the world to know about this.
The short version:

(1) get in your car and drive
(2) *while* your car is moving forward
(3) step out of the driver's seat and dance around in the road
(4) optional: jump on top of your car, which remains in motion, and vamp on the roof.
(5) refrain from dying(6) post video on the internet, boyyyeeeeee.
There's another term for this: "natural selection."

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