Beer Anyone????

A SINGLE GUY LIVED IN THIS TOWNHOUSE FOR 8 YEARS

IN CALGARY, ALBERTA . THE LANDLORD THOUGHT HE WAS THE

BEST RENTER BECAUSE HE NEVER CALLED OR COMPLAINED

AND WAS NEVER LATE ON A PAYMENT. THESE PICTURES DON'T EVEN COME CLOSE TO WHAT IT


REALLY LOOKED LIKE. " CENTURY 21 REALTY" HAD ALREADY


MOVED SOME OF THE CANS OUT, AND THEY HAD CAVED IN


THE TUNNELS THAT THE RENTER HAD MADE TO GET TO THE


BEDROOM, BATHROOM, AND KITCHEN .


All this, yet, you still don't see any dust or


scattered clothes or any dirty dishes anywhere.


Other than having a minor drinking problem, he


was basically a very clean, organized person. Add


to this, he was concerned about his health,


proved by the fact that he drank a "Light" beer.

Thanks Maria!!!

Morons of 2006

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up!"

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka KS Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart." "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto CA , Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket (Hellooooooo!)

8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer down on Lake Isabella , located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield CA , some folks new to boating were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

(NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.)

Under the boat, still strapped securely in place . was the trailer!

Thanks Randy H!

11 Trippy Questions

11 Trippy Questions
How many of these can you get? Especially the last 4 are challenging. The are great for bars.
Q1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms: The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

Q2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

Q3. A magician was boasting one day at how long he could hold his breath under water. His record was 6 minutes. A kid that was listening said, "that's nothing, I can stay under water for 10 minutes using no type of equipment or air pockets!" The magician told the kid if he could do that, he'd give him $10,000. The kid did it and won the money. Can you figure out how?

Q4. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which water came from which jug?

Q5. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and grey when you throw it away?

Q6. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

Q7. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it? It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it! In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out! Try to do so without any coaching!

Q8. You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Q9. If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

Q10. (in your head!) Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?

Q11. Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?


Now how many could you answer?
Scroll down for answers:-





ANSWERS:-

A1. The third. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.

A2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry.

A3. The kid filled a glass of water and held it over his head for 10 minutes.

A4. Colour and Freeze them first. Take them out of the jugs and put the ice in the barrel. You will be able to tell which water came from which jug.

A5. The answer is Charcoal. In Homer Simpson's words: hmmmm... Barbecue.

A6. Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.

A7. The letter "e", which is the most common letter in the English language, does not appear once in the long paragraph

A8. If you answer that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

A9. If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?!

A10. Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Don't believe it? Check with your calculator!

A11. Nunu? NO! Of course not. The fifth daughter is Mary. Read the question again.

Weirdest People's Court Interview Ever

Pillow fighting goes professional

They are not allowed to scratch, gouge or pull each other’s hair, but the women fighters of North America’s newest professional sport wield a potentially punishing weapon: a standard fibre-filled bed pillow. Hundreds of New Yorkers were queueing up on Friday night for the US debut of the Pillow Fight League (PFL), Canadian invention that sounds like a male fantasy but is threatening to become a popular sport for women who enjoy behaving badly. From its beginnings in a Canadian nightclub last year, the PFL (slogan: “Fight like a girl”) has suddenly turned into a cult attraction with 22 fighting members, an official (male) referee and a list of rules that forbid punching, low blows and “rude, lewd or suggestive behaviour”. It is also an offence to stuff a brick in a pillow. Bouts last five minutes and are won by pinning opponents to the ground (sometimes with the help of a pillow round their throat) or belting them so hard that they surrender. The pillows are standard issue with man-made fibres, because real down tends to settle at the bottom of a swinging pillow and can deliver a knockout punch.

Buzzwords of 2006

Ever done any blamestorming? How about prairie-dogging? Do you work with any BMWs? Or has your career been plutoed?
Those four buzzwords are among the 13 Most Fun Buzzwords of 2006.
"Not all buzzwords make you cringe. Some are delightfully colorful, funny and sum up life in today's workplace," says John Walston, author of The Buzzword Dictionary and creator of BuzzWhack.com. "And given the way the world's been going lately, we definitely need something to laugh about."

Here's the complete list:
1. blamestorming: A group process where participants analyze a failed project and look for scapegoats other than themselves.

2. Death by Tweakage: When a product or project fails due to unnecessary tinkering or too many last-minute revisions.

3. BMW’s: Bitchers, Moaners and Whiners.

4. clockroaches: Employees who spend most of their day watching the clock - instead of doing their jobs

5. plutoed: To be dumped or relegated to a lower position without an adequate reason or explanation.

6. prairie dogging: Occurs when workers simultaneously pop their heads up out of their cubicles to see what's going on.

7. carbon-based error: Error caused by a human, not a computer (which would be a silicon-based error).

8. menoporsche: Male menopause. Symptoms include a sudden lack of energy, crankiness and the overpowering urge to buy a Porsche.

9. adminisphere: The upper levels of management where big, impractical, and counterproductive decisions are made.

10. deja poo: The feeling that you've stepped in this bull before.

11. bobbleheading: The mass nod of agreement by participants in a meeting to comments made by the boss even though most have no idea what he/she just said.

12. ringtone rage: The violent response by cube mates after hearing your annoying cell phone ringtone for the 15th time.

13. muffin top: The unsightly roll of flesh that spills over the waist of a pair of too-tight pants

Pun Intended

1. Two antennas met on a roof fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, and one for the road.”
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”
7. “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’” “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” Well, “It’s Not Unusual.”
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” says Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t - I’ve cut off your arms!”
13. I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says “Dam!”
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why,” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him …(Oh, man, this is so bad, it’s good)… . A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.