Is Europe a country?

This Was Almost Your American Idol

Is Europe a country?

This was almost your American Idol

Great Graffitti

2 Little Old Ladies

Honesty

Up Or Down?

A Few Important Reminders

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by gettingsomeone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat bysimply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleedfor a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Rememberto use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent youfrom rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snoozebutton.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then youwill be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

8. Sometimes we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

What To Get The Biker That Has Everything

Top 10 Reasons I Am Overweight

10. Hey, we get 80 channels of great American TV 24 hours a day, there's no time to exercise!
9. "Girl Scout Cookie Dough" gets better tasting every year.
8. The colossal failure of "Salad King" drive-thru chain.
7. Doing it just to spite Richard Simmons.
6. Addition of a diet soda does NOT mean your triple bacon cheeseburger/chili fries combo is a healthy meal.
5. Americans still unconvinced that it's not really butter.
4. Part of our country's defense strategy: Asses too large to be kicked.
3. Slim Fast shakes taste much better with a scoop of Ben & Jerry's in 'em.
2. One word: Sprinkles
... and the Number 1 Reason Americans are Overweight:1. "Did somebody say McDonald's?"

A Few Elephant Jokes

What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
Anything you want, it can't hear you.

What do you do with a green elephant?
Leave it on the tree until it's ripe.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
A pachydermatologist.

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
Great holes all over Australia.

What goes thump, thump, squish thump, thump, squish?
An elephant with one wet shoe.

What happens when you run around in an elephant's stomach?
You get pooped out.

What time is it when ten elephants are chasing you?
Ten after one!

What vegetable do you get when an elephant walks through your garden?
Squash.

Why do elephants trumpet?
They don't know how to play the violin.

Why do elephants wear sandals?
So that they don't sink in the sand.

Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.

Marco....

And Yet Another Bad Tattoo

Christmas Begins

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said,"You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carols."

When I Grow Up...